It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
