I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize