i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
