we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
