His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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