Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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