never play flip cup with pint glasses
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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