not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
