You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
