I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
