We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
