I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
40s are totally the cure
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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