I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
