What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
