Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
