I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
