ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think my vagina is haunted
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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