Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
