You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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