he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
