In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
