I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize