Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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