Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
