I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
