Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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