wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
