There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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