i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
