Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
