He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
