hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
