I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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