In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
