My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
