just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
