i just google imaged poop.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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