so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize