Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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