Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
is wine microwaveable?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize