i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize