Are we in a gay sports bar?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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