and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
