I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
