New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
