Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize