so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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