Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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