the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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