i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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