My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
