I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
