My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
