he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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