Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
