i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
