I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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