I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My life is pants optional.
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