Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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