absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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