IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
