he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
