I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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