he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
