remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
