is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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