Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
