This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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