why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
