Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
