We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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