im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
