I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
