I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
