i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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