Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This is the high leading the old right now
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
did you just send me my own nude
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
